"Bamboo", I replied.
"TT. Thousands of elephants and rhinos are being killed every year and its the chineeeeses fault !
eM. "Where did you get that from, how do you know?
TT. "The semimonkey told me, he read it in a newspaper. Its for their ivory you know?
eM.. I know, and I knows whose to blame,its our old friends the chineeeese!
TT "What are we going to do about it?
eM.." I would be very reluctant to do anything at this moment in time.
TT. "At this moment in time, what does that mean?
eM."Well, there is a rumour going round that maybe we are going to be parents in the near future
TT"You mean foster parents, because of the spare room?
eM.."No,no, real parents, Mummy and Daddy, Mum and Dad, Mu and Da. You get me?
TT." Do you by any chance know how cubs are conceived, any idea, an inkling even?
eM.. "Storks
TT. "Storks?
eM. "Yeess! Storks.
TT " I've heard it all now. Storks!
eM." How then ,know it all?
TT." Well its very complicated,listen in, you need at least two pandas and they have to dance and sing and have a party and a bow tie , and you had better not get drunk, and a dress and invitations and bamboo on plates and vows and a ceremony that has to be conducted by a conductor-at -law. After all that, a bus comes and takes the pandas, and the conductor takes the fares and comes with them to a place that is like a zoo shop but far, far away.There, they are handed a cub, at that age they all look the same, 'I'm calling her Soo, after my own Mummy.
eM.. "And if it is a male cub?
TT. "Then he is going to be called Soo to!
eM.. "Right lets do it.
TT. "Hold on, hold on ,There's still the problem with our friends the Elephants and the Hippo's
eM. "Elephants and Rhino's surely?
TT."Silly me of course its Rhino's, Hippo's haven't got tusks.
eM.."What are we going to do then?
TT."What can we do? I am devoid of ideas.
eM.."So am I.
TT."We could have a sit in.
eM.." We are always sitting in.
TT." Go slow then.
eM.." We couldn't go any slower.
TT" Work to rule ?
eM." We do not work.
TT. "When the people take pictures, we could pull funny faces?
eM. ."You must be joking, they would love that, word gets round and you wouldn't be able to move for snappers.
TT. "What then?
eM.. Invite the Chineeeese , the Consulate-General, Mr Li Rui.,he only resides a few hundred yards down the road. We could make it a great occasion , invite other dignitaries to come, you know how the all enjoy a free lunch. The penguins will be only to pleased to form a guard of honour, throw them some fish. The semimonkey can get one of his friends to open Bertie the Rhino's enclosure and when the time is right and the Consulate-General bends down to smell the flowers Bertie will walk all over him, jump up and down, stand on his head, eat his,
eM.." Hold it, hold it! good grief , that's enough, its not the Consulate- Generals fault that the Chineeeese Government are complicent in the murder of thousands of poor defenceless animals just for their ivory.
TT." Sorry, once again you are right. I wish I had been born a male.I wish.
eM.." Here have some bamboo.
TT. "Thanks,but first, lets have a minutes silence to remember poor Little Timmy.
My add-on ( reported in The Scotsman,4th June 2013, KONY'S LRA rebels poach elephant ivory to fund the group. Former captives say that LRA. groups in Central African Republic and Congo trade ivory with "unidentified people who arrive in helicopters". Rich Chineeeese take note!
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